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The spoken intro to this song is meant to sound like Stephen Fry's Professor Trefusis, as scripted by Les Dawson, Barry Cryer and Spike Mullins over a gallon of vile & bitter in the Grafton Arms. (Derivative? Yes. But diversely derivative, d'you see.) The speaker is - I hope - a slightly different character from me, more acid and condescending. I've thought about extending the idea into a comedy set, with props and rudimentary cossie - maybe a gown & pince-nez - to see what happened. But it's fun to do it as is, waiting for the audience to work out that it's not me taking the mick, but... well, who exactly?

The liner notes claim that Fat John is based on a Hungarian folk tale, and that is true, or fairly true. George Mikes, 1956 asylum-seeker and author of the wonderful How To Be An Alien later wrote more reflective stuff on Mittel Europa in general, and he quoted the following story to demonstrate the romantic fatalism of your average Hungarian...

A proud peasant, whose only valuable possession is an ass, is delighted to win the hand of the most beautiful girl in his village. One evening, after a hard day's ass-haulage, he comes home to find his new wife and baby dead on the birthing-bed. As a true Magyar, he has but one way convincingly to demonstrate his grief. He kills the ass.

Fat John was intended simply to render this tale into verse as a ballad of love, loss and spectacularly inept self-pity, but it didn't quite turn out that way.

I think it first went off the rails because I had a joke going spare, the device-for-getting-Boy-Scouts-out-of-Girl-Guides line. I'd originally used it in a family point song about my ex-father-in-law, Ron, lovely bloke, Scout Leader, practical chap. Puts me to shame. He's funny, too. (He gave me the line). In fact, while I'm rambling, the song was a Formbyesque thing called I've Got a Little Tool That Might Do That and while it was a reasonably neat piece of work, it had far too many in-jokes for one's wider public, my dear.

So Fat John got the gag and the scout-knife turned this into a hunting song. Slippery chap, Art.